I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
