so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
