Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
