You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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