just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
