I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
