i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
