I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry about my life...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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