Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
