So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
