The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
