Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
