Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
