Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
