Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
