If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
