i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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