five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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