I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
