At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
