Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
