I heard we made out
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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