Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
