i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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