WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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