You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
