I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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