just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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