so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am naked and annoyed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
