help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
