You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
