First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
