Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
