you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
