literally had 100 drinks last night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
