i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
