We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
