dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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