Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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