butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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