Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
