i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
