Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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