It's Friday. Sex?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
