I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
