Cold hands, warm shart.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
