A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
