Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
