Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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