it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
